Welcome, 2009. You've been a long time coming, and yes, I've been waiting for you.
2008, I'm a little sorry to see you go. You replaced your terrorist predecessor, 2007, and for that I'm forever grateful. You saw me get up off the bathroom floor (where I had spent so much of the last of 2007). You afforded me with the opportunity to let go of the things I couldn't control.
You helped me say goodbye to some hurtful, destructive people in my life ... more than one. You gave me a little, brightly packaged gift and handed it to me shyly. Imagine my surprise when I opened it cautiously and then giggled when I saw that you had given me that ever so hard to find perspective.
I loved your May, felt passionate about your July, grieved again in September, let myself experience all new things in November ... and cautiously courted your December, knowing our friendship was fast coming to a close.
You're gone, now, existing only in experience and shared memory. I miss you already.
2009, I admit, I'm a little afraid of you. You're such an undefined presence in my life, and no matter what, you're going to happen. You'll be bringing a lot of change. I hope you bring it kindly. I'll be giving you all that I have, understanding fully, thanks to 2008, that I have nothing to hold back.
{Please be gracious. Oh, please, be gracious ....}
... with his Grinch-feet ice cold in the snow, stood puzzling and puzzling, how could it be so? It came without ribbons. It came without tags. It came without packages, boxes or bags. And he puzzled and puzzled 'till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before. What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store. What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more. ~Dr. Seuss
My favorite part of Christmas is the days leading up to Christmas. I love the decorations and the present buying and the loving secrets we keep in that present buying ... I love cutting down my own tree and decorating it. I even love the office Christmas party. {Christmas Day, however, has always been a little anti climatic for me ...}
Of course, I never have time to do everything I feel like I should do.
This year was quiet ... a little snowed in and unable to leave. But that's fine. It just lead to a fantastic meal with people that might as well be family and I'll make my family holiday trip on Martin Luther King Day weekend. I did take an impromptu trip down to Portland earlier this month to visit my oldest friend, Noell, and her precious family, where we had an incredible time baking Christmas cookies.
Well.
I think they were supposed to be Christmas cookies ...
Cutting down our tree. This is my roommate, Tiff. The scarf is hiding the baby that just has 2 more months of incubating to go. Of course, she did not actually use the ax she is holding.
The Christmas "cookie" that the youngest "nephew" made. I do have some pictures of the boys that are quite adorable, but I did not ask permission to post them so post them I will not. The oldest, Trevor (4) , shared the following story with me, though:
"Yesterday we went to the zoo. Daddy elephants are not careful, so they have learn. The mommy elephant pooped and Meagan {their aunt} smelled it worser. Baby elephants have little poop." {Oh the holiday joys ....}
And this was the road in Eastern Oregon driving home from Portland to this little vineyard town in Washington. {the reason why I did not drive home over mountainous Eastern and Central Oregon to my mom's house for Christmas Day.}
And I'm also so very glad that the Holiday Season isn't technically over. Tonight we're going to go eat some very delicious creme brulee at our favorite restaurant, there are a couple of more parties before the New Year and New Years itself will be spent at a contra dance with some dear Friends of Acoustic Music friends.
I think I just love how light hearted this time of the year is.
Rather, maybe I love how light hearted I am at this time of the year. ;)
quite awhile ago I firmly decided to not blog about dating. My own, personal dating, that is.
{I feel like I should have a Christmasy post to put here. And I do, actually, complete with pictures. But first this. Later that.}
This is me not blogging specifically about dating:
It is a strange world out there, with even stranger people, in a universe that insists on playing cold, cold tricks.
Of course, I don't believe that the universe is capable of doing that.
But dating is a nightmare.
No freaking kidding.
... just don't do it.
It never gets better.
This has happened a couple of times now.
You know when your sons are getting to just be adolescents? And everything you do embarrasses them? Because it's really not you at all, but how they're responding to you?
Ok.
When you become elderly and go into a nursing home, please do NOT try to set them up with that cute little server downstairs in the restaurant. You will most definitely get the same response that you got when they were 13. They will blush, splurt "MOM!" and look away. Yes. Even at 35 they will do this.
Take it from me, that server downstairs in the restaurant.
2nd Set of Solo Holidays.
Compared to last year, there is no comparison.
I’ve got your answers, in the palm of my hand and they come, this year, a little easier from the heart.
What do you do?
I’m a social worker for the county. I co-supervise a program that advocates for foster care children.
I could never do what you do.
Sure. But you know what? I’d make a lousy farmer.
How long have you been here {in this vineyard town}?
Three years. I lived in {the little mountain town} for 10 years before.
What brought you up here?
I was married at the time and we followed his job. I’m solo now.
{This has to be followed by a smile to assure the other person it’s really, really ok.}
Right there. I’ve got your answers right there.
At this point, sure. I’d always expected a large family of my own and at 30, thought for sure it’d be MY turn to host the moms and the dads and the brothers and the sisters and the nephews and the nieces. I’d always pictured too much food. A kids’ table. Raucous laughter. Things are always slightly out of control when this clan gets together. And oddly enough, I thrive on that part that you just can’t control. I adore it when my brother in law says things he absolutely shouldn’t and his sons overhear it and repeat the phrases all night long. I adore it when I can’t, for the life of me, figure out what my sister is trying to act out during Cranium and it turns into a screeching fest. I love it that my darling, cowboy family has to deep fry their turkey. We’re lucky to beat the chaos and change out of our sweats for dinner.
I’d just been waiting to add to it with my own tribe.
But here I am. 30. This year’s Thanksgiving brought a whole new set of friends here in this vineyard town without any of my family present. At this Thanksgiving, there was a beautifully decorated, shimmering Thanksgiving table that no real child could have ever been sat at. Deep fried turkey was replaced with an expertly basted, roasted to perfection bird accompanied by side dishes such as brussel sprouts au gratin. {My nephews not only won’t touch brussel sprouts, they will tell you where you can put those brussel sprouts. We thank my brother in law for that.}
This year’s Thanksgiving, we drank bottles of good wine. None of us would have dreamed of wearing our sweats.
It’s not what I expected. I couldn’t have imagined it any other way.
Two truths.
I did get my little taste of things being out of control. These friends and their family I was eating with have been sharing Thanksgiving together for years. They were so gracious and welcoming to me, and I loved being part of their own inner circle. This is an inner circle ruled by a beautiful, stately matriarch. A great grandmother. She had a stroke 12 years ago and requires lots of extra TLC, but oh, how her family honors her. She is truly lovely and although largely non verbal now, she truly loved her holiday company.
Her daughter was our host, and as we were all seated, she (the daughter) started to read a quote about honoring ourselves and the gift God has placed deep within us. It was a truly amazing quote. I think.
It was at that moment the Queen Bee decided to start singing, loudly {at the top of her voice loudly} “DEE BO DEE DAH BO DO DO DO …”.
We’re still not quite sure why, but then she grinned from ear to ear and said, “All right, all right, all right.”
Daughter took a second stab at it and was interrupted again with, “DEE BO DEE DAH DO DO DO. All right, all right, all right.”
She never did get the quote out, and the next time Queen Bee started singing, we all joined in with her. Loudly. At the top of our voices.
So for right now, at this stage in my life, I’ll take the fancy, adult dinners in which we don’t dare go without at least a couple of bottles of white and red. Just as long as it’s accompanied by this total love. And raucous laughter.
... of things to come.
We're in the new apartment.
It's a mess.
We have too many things!
This evening we were getting ready to go buy groceries
to make a meal for a family that needed a little nudge of help.
I got my coat on.
Got my keys.
And my roommate, Tiffany, was still sitting at the dining room table
pressing on her stomach.
Tiffany is expecting in February.
"She kicked," Tiffany said.
"I want to see if she'll kick again before we leave."
We waited.
No kicking.
Tiffany picked up a hammer that was on the table
and said,
"The end of this hammer is about the same size
of the thingie they do the ultrasound with,
and when they move that on my stomach,
she goes nuts."
So she gently pressed her big fat belly
with the end of that hammer,
and while we dissolved into giggles,
Madelyn got spunky and kicked back.
Tiffany's in for it.
... into real life could be better. Really.
I've heard it before, but coming back from Hawaii is hard. Truly. Normally by the end of vacation, I'm ready to get back and get things organized.
O, but how I'm not here in mind or spirit.
Re-entry's probably a little bit more difficult because I moved apartments immediately after coming back ... and still had my job to deal with.
But I don't want to think about it.
So I'll share some beach pictures with you.
Hanaumo (sp?) Bay
me conquering snorkeling.
{i didn't really conquer snorkeling.
it was scary.
i swam away from the fish when they got too close.
it made my sister laugh.
then she snorted salt water into her breathing tube.}
but i did not see sharks.
my sister.
and me.
some beautiful, random beach i was i was still at.
big sigh.
good vacation.
back to unpacking ...
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