but I almost did.
The very first week of the 3rd grade, I, in my cherubian little girl state, sat at my desk, #2 pencil in hand, listening to Mrs. Wilson instruct us to write our names in cursive on our wide lined paper. We had, after all, all learned how to write in cursive during the 2nd grade ... but this was a test, of sorts, to see how much we had retained.
And so I wrote the letters, in cursive, out, shielding my paper with my hand from Robbie, who not only tried to copy everything I did, but who was also a jerk who always tried to kiss me on the playground or burp on me.
L. I. S. A.
But it didn't look right. Not at all. And I couldn't exactly figure it out what the problem was, which, yes, even in the 3rd grade, frustrated me. The letters were all there. All in cursive. But not right. Not correct.
And then I realized that I had written the letters out one by one. Technically, they were correct, but they were not connected. My cursive letters were in print form. And when I realized that, it was so easy to erase them and do what I had already learned to do. This was easy. No problem.
On June 18th, 2007, I came home to this Vineyard Town from a relaxing outing in the Mountain Town. Eventually I went to the study to open up the computer to balance the checkbook as Husband At The Time had just left for Alaska to go Salmon Fishing.
But when I opened up the computer, I did not just find the link to our online banking site. I found many, many emails that forever changed the course of that marriage and that life.
Anniversaries, of any sort, are so easy for me to remember. But I almost forgot that tomorrow was the 18th.
These past two years have been just terrible and simply amazing. I've reclaimed so much of what I used to know: that I deserve better, that there's always been a plan, that I'm going to be ok and that I can let go. Relax.
I used to know all of those things and how to do all of those things. It's taken me awhile, but I can put it together now. I've already learned how to do all of these things.
Now I can give myself permission to do them.