When I say, "My divorce was so public, and while so many people were so caring and quick to comfort, it was a very public issue," most divorced ladies understand. It's not just a fleeting thought, "Wow. They separated." It's, "But they were leaders in the church. And they separated because of WHAT?" and then the genuine love and concern and care come in.

This is church family at its best, folks. And it was so welcome. So needed. But so, so visible. It's hard to say, "I'm getting divorced" without saying, "There's biblical reason." What a euphemism. Like noooobody knows what that means. Everybody knows what that means.

So, some divorced ladies - especially ones with biblical reason - sob on their floor for 6 months (IE: me.) (Then ladies like me start feeling better, and then life starts getting better. Thank goodness.) And when you're on the floor sobbing, lots of people ask how you're doing. Because they're really, truly loving people. But then when you start feeling better, you have to re order your life. And people you don't talk to often still ask you, genuinely concerned, a year later, "How ARE you doing, dear?" But then you're feeling better and you don't necessarily want to return back to that place of ... complete darkness. So that question, as genuinely loving as it is (and please, if you want to ask somebody that, please ask!), chafes a little.

And then you think, "My good Lord. What a mess I was. Everybody really saw that????"

Yup. Everybody really saw that.

Despite the blog, don't get the wrong idea. There's some things I like to hold to myself.

Like Shoes, for instance.

Lots of public opinion about the next boy I would date. Lots of well meaning people wanting to help me be critical. Lots of loving, amazing people who don't want to see me get hurt again. Yikes.

I don't want that either. But the want and the need to keep this close to my heart so I could think about it - and the trust between Jesus and myself that had to be built up again - (that's a hard one to explain) were soooooooooper big.

So. I'm not apologizing. That was my decision. But there's a little explanation.

Shoes is not perfect. That would be annoying. Especially considering how flawed I am! But Shoes is:

Loving, gracious, compassionate, humble, logical, witty, smart, and hilarious. And as an added bonus, he gets my I love Jesus but I'm a little different politically than most people in the church. There will probably be no pictures of anything else than feet due to his public position (he's a smartie - exactly my age, but graduated from one of the top 25 law schools) in the small Vineyard Town, but that's ok. I'm ok with some privacy.

Shoes has been around for awhile now - our time together has been adding up to equal many months. Who knows where it will go ... I thought my church marriage would last my entire lifetime ... but I still trust. And I'm not in a hurry.

4 comments

  1. Elizabeth on October 26, 2009 at 8:43 PM

    I love you and I love that you've found great shoes! I can't wait to talk about these shoes and maybe one day see these shoes! You're awesome!!

     
  2. Sarah on October 27, 2009 at 7:36 AM

    Sniff.

     
  3. Sarah on October 27, 2009 at 7:36 AM

    ...and a great pair of shoes are a true gift. And they can last a lifetime...

     
  4. Ronna on October 29, 2009 at 8:24 PM

    :)

     


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