understanding (n.)

i have this daydream i continually enter into during class ...  i am with the fbi, sent on a mission to protect student safety undercover as being a student myself.  i wear a secret earpiece through which i hear commands from my fbi supervisor who in a van outside.  i am notified that the perpetrator is on the move and i have to get my class to safety.  i jump up, pull a gun out of my boot, flash my badge and tell my class to get down.

i only do class readings if they are directly attached to an assignment.

i skip staff meetings to work on my family of origin paper, but find myself instead responding to emails from the wedding dj who wants to know if she can play baby got back if it's requested during the reception because it is the most requested reception song.

i say, "i can't stand that class."

i find myself looking at my engagement ring and almost start crying because it represents such a sweet, sacrificial part of who shoes is.  (that's true, but it's a diversion.)

how to stay grounded in the here and now?
i just have no clue.

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