.... and it doesn't necessarily mean it doesn't still hurt.  but it does represent a softening of my heart and an intense desire to not fall victim to the pattern of emotional cut off.

as promised, here is an excerpt from my paragraph to my father in my family of origin paper ...

... Thank you for my childhood and the sense of adventure you instilled in me at such a young age.  I remember your playfulness, your laughter, your chaperoning my school field trips and scaring my friends to death with your ghost stories. There is a sense of creativity that runs deep within you and it is my heartline to you ...

... Thank you for being there as much as you could; I see now how much you had to overcome from your own childhood to create a family with my mom for as long as you did ...

we do what we can, with what we have.
this is what i can.
with what i have.
for right now, at least.


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