Shoes and I are deeply, deeply grieving the very unexpected loss of one of our closest friends. I have much to say about that, but I cannot organize my thoughts in any coherent fashion. It felt wrong to continue this post without recognizing that this - the loss - our dear friend - is much more important than the rest of this post. I don't know what I would give to have her back with us. With her husband. With her toddler / preschool sons.
Sometimes I do not have the same experiences with clients that other therapists do. Sometimes I am given families and literally told, "if they don't get this with you, we're terminating their children." Sometimes I am told, "you are their last chance." I hate that. I'm not a miracle worker. I can't motivate people to do something they're not ready to do.
Sometimes what looks like resistance is not resistance. Sometimes what looks like, "F* you" is really "I'm scared and I don't know what to do and I know I don't really have any chances left." Sometimes resistance is really people saying, "What if I reach for you to help and you're not there?"
I am closing with a client soon. Today this person dissolved into tears and stated, "I don't know what's going to happen when you leave. We've learned how to be a family again."
I received one. To Lead Therapist.
Don't really know what that means, but am realizing I'm two years post Masters and they said this would happen at about this time. Don't really know how much low level supervision I'll get to do, as workers keep handing me their most resistant clients.
Sometimes I don't get this life - what happens - the directions we take - why some clients make it and some don't - how we measure success - why some people are taken from us so early - they whys of anything.
Tonight, I think I'm just tired.
That is what it is, I guess.