Good Lord, what does this mean??
Well. Honestly. We're not really sure. As of right now, we're going about this natural way, but when you're 36, the natural way reveals things about an aging female body. Sometimes it reveals things that are slightly worrisome and come with all sorts of connotations. In our case, we're still optimistic that things can be leveled out, and with the force of several supplements, we're moving forward. (Many, many thanks to my dear friend B., who has termed this season in my life "reproductive misadventures." I love that. It makes it workable. To me, that might mean that I read the map upside down and my luggage got lost in baggage claim, but there's still hope I can hitchhike back to down and the airline will contact me at some point.)
But there's still that question if it will work, right? On top of the question, Shoes and I have always held adoption closely to our hearts. We almost started the adoption process before trying to have our own; we've both had personal circumstances and jobs in which we've seen the ardent need for children to be placed with families who are in it for the long haul.
We're in it for the long haul.
Fostering, however, we're not interested in. I realize that might sound calloused, but in this very, very small rural town, I would prefer to not have my community partners coming by my home at a moment's notice for 30 day face to face checks. There's too much togetherness there, and I am far too opinionated. Sometimes I agree with the Children's Administration. Sometimes I bluntly and unapologetically don't. But I have to have weekly meetings with those folks. Shoes and I have agreed this is better left alone, for the sake of working relationships.
Kids. We think we know what that means. I think I know what that means. Deep down, we know we have no idea what this means. And we're ready for that, you know? We had to come to a place where we were able to look that question dead in the eye and answer quietly, I don't know, but we stand in a place of faith and quiet confidence.
Also, when you get ready to have a family? Holy moly, the free advice starts flowing like thick molasses. I have heard Everything. EVERY magic trick that GUARANTEES success. And while I receive the advice in love (because I choose to believe that that was the spirit from which it was intended ... MOST of the time), it becomes very overwhelming very quickly if left unchecked.
But don't worry, I'm checking it. And letting go of worry. And putting aside My Ultimate Plan. One way or the other, it will happen, and Shoes and I will grow our family. Rosie will have a human sibling. We'll take family vacations to cheesy resorts. We'll stay up all night with sick kids. All of it.
All the Everythings.