Because I'm sick.  At home.  Probably not with Ebola, but oh man.  Whatever this is has a powerful punch.  Somewhere around 8:00 I rolled out of my bed and onto my couch and thought to myself, "This would be a good morning to try to watch The Shining all the way through."  (Don't ask - I'm blaming the fever.)  I haven't yet watched it entirely, despite many years of trying, because I am truly terrible with scary movies.

It didn't work.  Eyes shielded.  I can't stand the woman in the bathtub or the last portion of the movie where Danny is silent screaming constantly.  Also, in the book, didn't the head chef LIVE?  Why would you kill off that character??

Around 10:00 my best friend texted me pictures from the pumpkin patch with my goddaughter.  That made me a little sad that we live so far away and I can't be part of those things in person.

And around 11:00, the OB's office called to remind me that my first fertility appointment is this Tuesday.

All the thoughts about that.  That phone call lead me down a spiral of thinking about the path we've taken so far to start our family and how many things we do during the month to try to make this as successful as possible.

It has taken over our lives.

It's worth it, don't get me wrong, but good night.  It's a lot.

From the charting to the 15 supplements a day to the teas to the massage therapy to the acupuncture to the eating pineapple cores to the over analyzing everything and falling down the awful hell that is Google to the limiting drinking wine to 5 specific days to the full 9 servings of fruits and vegetables a day to the keeping my feet warm always (one of my closest friends is Chinese and says I have to do this) to the fertility yoga to the daily foot soaks to open my meridians .... It doesn't really stop.

My acupuncturist fired me this week, you guys.  It was kind of a jolt to my ego and my first thought was, "Why would you fire me?  I'm like, the world's BEST PATIENT.  I DO ALL OF MY HOMEWORK!!!"  And that's basically what she said.  Actually, here's what she said:  Usually she asks fertility patients to do acupuncture and TCM for two months before trying to conceive, but she make an "exception" with me because we have been trying for awhile and charting for awhile.  Then she said, "You're doing everything right.  You need to rest in that and keep doing that and just go to your upcoming appt. with the OB.  If you want to keep coming in, we'll work on your shoulder and allergies."

So we have this upcoming appointment, and I'm nervous.  I'm nervous about what he's going to say.  Nervous about the testing.  Getting triggered from when I did this before with the Former Husband.   We're hoping for some answers and some direction in these upcoming weeks.

Also, I'm really hoping this fever goes away soon.
I'm also hoping the Cougs win tonight.
One of these things is more likely than the others.
I wish I could drink a glass of wine tonight.


  1. Andrea on October 11, 2014 at 7:06 PM

    *Raising an imaginary glass of wine in sympathy of the insanity that is trying to conceive*

    and... hoping for direction and answers for you, and that you feel well again soon!

  2. Lisa on October 17, 2014 at 9:27 AM

    @Andrea - I do wish we lived closer together. I think drinking a glass of wine, or coffee, and chatting with you would be absolutely fantastic. I hope you're doing well and settling into that beautiful house of yours.


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