... acceptance or rejection is absolutely ridiculous.

And completely terrifying.

And apparently all consuming. I used to do other things than obsess about this.

If I get in, I have to figure out how to pay for out of state, graduate tuition. I have to figure out how to move to a city I can't afford to live in. I have to move all of my belongings one state down and almost one complete state over. And I get to own it. I get to own the fact that I made it into a highly competitive program.

{I have to learn how to use public transportation ...}

And if I don't get in? If I don't get in, I have to own it. I have to tell people I didn't get it in. I have to face it myself. I have to live here for at least another year, in a town that continually breaks my heart and disappoints me, before I can apply again and apply to more than one school.

I check the mailbox every day. Its own religion. If it's a little early in the day, I check it twice, just in case the mailman was running late. I check my email at work 30 billion times a day - quickly in and out - waiting for the "we sent the letters out" notice. I answer The Question with, "No ... no, haven't heard back yet."

Just like most things, the not knowing is the hardest part. How do you prepare for what you don't know?


  1. Elizabeth and family on April 9, 2009 at 9:28 PM

    I don't have an answer to your question, but I'll stop asking about whether you've heard or not cause I know you'll tell me when you do. I hope and pray that you get in and to be honest they would be stupid not to let you in. I would have the same reservations about moving to Portland, especially after living in a smaller city or town for so long. But you will do it and you will love it and we'll all come visit. My fingers and toes are crossed for you...and I'll even cross Rebekah's fingers and toes too.

  2. Ronna on April 12, 2009 at 6:43 AM

    I know this feeling soooooo well. Whenever Allen would be up for promotion I would HAUNT the promotion board sites for weeks before and then days and then hours until the lists were posted. And then after the list was posted I would read it 4,243,967 times to make SURE I had read it correctly. Same thing with orders. "Are they here yet?" I would call him 4,000 times a day.

    I have great faith in you Lisa. God has led you this far and he will continue to lead you. As long as you are listening to Him, you can't go wrong. No matter what.

    *Me hugging you tight*



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