If I chose to, I have a few things to really worry about.
Instead, yesterday morning, I woke up thinking about how irritated I was with the Former Husband for taking those Krispy Kreme paper hats down to Nicaragua when he did a mission there at an orphanage in December 2003. This was my first concious thought of the day. I hadn't thought about that mission in years. It was seven years ago. Seven. (I love missions, as long as the culture of the indigenious people are respected to the highest. No spreading American values - or, as in the case of Krispy Kreme - American consumerism.) The kids loved them, but I thought it was so sad. They don't need paper garbage with American logos on it. (That said, I've been known to eat one, or two, or three Krispy Kremes ...)
I couldn't shake the bizarre thought of how irritated I was, and the irritation grew to anger. And I knew it was illogical, which made things even worse. I haven't talked to Former Husband in a year and a half. Have absolutely no idea what he's up to and absolutely no reason to care that he took a box of Krispy Kreme paper hats to a bunch of orphans under the age of 10 seven years ago. It irritated me then, but it was really, really irritating me yesterday.
And then I realized that yesterday was the 3 year anniversary of the day I found out my former marriage was over. A traumatic day.
So, I, who am relatively emotionally healthy, am still haunted by some unconcious processes on a very minor level. And, although minor, it had an effect on my affect. (Although, I'm not sure why it manifested itself in Krispy Kreme neurosis ...)
And I think about what I, in the past, have thought, when working with clients, who are healing "at their own pace." It's a good reminder. This stuff? Sometimes it just gets us in ways we don't understand.
That was yesterday.
Today, however, I am not thinking about Former Husband. No. Today, I am headed an hour south for my Goddaughter's, Rebekah, birthday party - she will be a magnificant, fabulous two years old.
Happy Birthday, sweet girl!